A warning to my readers: if you are looking for validation of the importance of the date 11.11.11, this is going to be a bittersweet post. On the one hand, perhaps all my meditating did in fact lead me to assimilate some energies that have brought me quite suddenly to a new leap in my evolution. On the other, it is not the revelation you or I was expecting. A special thanks to my close friends and family who supported me through this transition.
As you may know, 11.11.11 came and went without any tangible changes or spectacular events. If you scour the internet, comments about the much hyped about 11.11.11. portal ranged from disillusioned to bleak to oblivious and somewhat naive as people grappled with their own “non experiences”. Here is my take on the whole unremarkable shebang, so far.
What have I learned from 11.11.11? I learned that projecting a third dimensional timeline onto something so vast and complex as spiritual evolution is misguided. I have taken astrological alignments into account because they do hold water to some extent, yet 11.11.11. is not an astrological event to my knowledge, but rather a product of the 3D mind. I had more of an energetic attunement near the end of the Mayan Calendar on 28 October and much greater attunements during the sandwich eclipses of July. In future I will stick to tried and true astrology and use my inner compass to assimilate new influxes of energies.
No more channeled messages, period. No more giving credence to people who have “direct line” to the astral realms. I have my own inner compass which is more reliable for what I need to achieve here., thank you very much. I have been shown this again and again. Hopefully it will keep me from falling prey to ridiculous claims that distract me from my own path. (I thought I had learned this lesson!) Apparently I still need to remember my own power and use more discernment. Actually, I don´t even need to consult the internet as long as I check in often enough, I´ll know what I need to know, and when!
I had become annoyed with always living in the present- it´s hard never knowing what is going to happen next. You can´t plan for anything. I am entertaining very unusual thoughts post 11.11.11, wondering if livng in the now is destructive. It takes away certain freedoms. Freedoms to believe in 3D. Freedom to believe that things are permanent to a certain extent. I know that I won´t live forever, I know that wealth accumulation is not the meaning of life. But if I only live from one day to the next, it is very difficult to build relationships or find satisfaction in your career because you resist against building it, thinking that life is not about these 3D concepts. But actually, they are! Since my teens I have been resisting the 3D model, trying to embody some kind of multidimensional philosophy whilst residing in a solid body in a solid world. I have been trying to deny what I see around me. Other “regular people” take this information, they interpret the hologram fully. It´s like I was born with an aversion to this hologram- I just can´t get into this whole 3D earth thing. I don´t like it, it´s too limiting. Am I subscribing to some type of bullshit hive mentality with other “old souls”? The more I communicate with new agey types, the more I reinforce the belief that I am different and need to live in the world in my non-committal, ungrounded, multidimensional way. Would I be happier if I tried to live like the status quo? If I just forgot about the hijacking of our planet 13,000 years ago, and about how oppressed we are, limited by time and money? I know a girl with a crystl child. She´s always telling me that her job as a parent is to ground her kid and get her to “live in the real world”. Would that resolve my dissatisfaction with being stationed on this planet? Is it all just a matter of trying to fit a round peg into a square hole?
What else can I possibly do to make my incarnation here and now more fulfilling? Is it even possible? Perhaps there will always be that aftertaste. That things are not like my “home planet” or the way they are supposed to be. But I must be here for some reason. I didn´t just come here to experience 3D and observe, did I? Why did I come here? To teach English and live in different cities? To have wonderful brothers I am far away from? To have fucked up parents that I cannot help? To question the wars and poverty and disease and inhumanity on this planet? Or am I doing some service by emitting a frequency of happiness and creativity? Is that what I am doing here? Amplifying a frequency?
I am definitely a person who lives in the present, to the fullest. It is my codex and I have never known any other way, but man, can it be a pain in the ass sometimes. I hate planning for the future because I always allow for unexpected events and people can change their minds. The concepts of free will and multidimensionality in my eyes make planning unrealistic and silly. This is hard to reconcile in a 3D world. Sure, you live in the moment, but where is the satisfaction of seeing something you´ve built? There is no incentive to build! If there is nothing to plan for, if this 3D life is somehow inferior to another dimension of living because it is solid and less fluid, if nothing is permanent but only in a state of flux, what is the bloody point? Do you see my frustration? Maybe all this living in the NOW is unproductive because it doesn´t allow you to commit to anything. And you cheat yourself of the real experience of living on this planet!
As I have momentarily lost a lot of faith in the Ascension “movement”, I will not be waiting for any 2012 star gate, as frustrated as I am at being here. I am making a decision to go my own way, separate from the new age masses´idea of 12.12.12. (I will bloody well ascend when I want to)
Perhaps ascension is a load of bull. Maybe the new age movement called ascension is just candy for people who need something to think about, to keep them going, like religion; a distraction from the 3D world that is not completely fulfilling. It´s an escape from the kind of world where we don´t feel at home. In that sense, it is just another religion. Doesn´t mean I have to give up meditating or believing in spirit. That is my faith and it will never die. But the idea of ascension is maybe just a crock. Gaia is evolving. The sheeple are evolving at their own pace, but there is no such thing as Gaia being rescued by god and shoving herself through a star gate on any one particular cosmic alignment. Perhaps it is just an industry or even some insidious plan channeled through lower astral entities to keep us from really committing to the problems on Earth. If we think we are going to magically ascend, merely from inner spiritual work, then we are less likely to commit to a cause here on the ground and make our planet a better place to live. We spirituals should take that into account. Instead of living on the higher realms, we need to be focusing our energies on the planet we chose to incarnate on NOW and follow through with something tangible. Maybe that is the lesson. Maybe the disappointment from not ascending on 11.11.11 will give us a much needed kick in the ass. As I stamp my feet and my tantrum comes to an end, I wonder just how much we have evolved as humans. Maybe we´re just still kids learning to grow up and take charge. There. I feel better, now.