Crisis or Epiphany?


Lord Shiva, God of Destruction and Creation

A warning to my readers: if you are looking for validation of the importance of the date 11.11.11, this is going to be a bittersweet post. On the one hand, perhaps all my meditating did in fact lead me to assimilate some energies that have brought me quite suddenly to a new leap in my evolution. On the other, it is not the revelation you or I was expecting. A special thanks to my close friends and family who supported me through this transition.

As you may know, 11.11.11 came and went without any tangible changes or spectacular events. If you scour the internet, comments about the much hyped about 11.11.11. portal ranged from disillusioned to bleak to oblivious and somewhat naive as people grappled with their own “non experiences”. Here is my take on the whole unremarkable shebang, so far.  

What have I learned from 11.11.11? I learned that projecting a third dimensional timeline onto something so vast and complex as spiritual evolution is misguided. I have taken astrological alignments into account because they do hold water to some extent, yet 11.11.11. is not an astrological event to my knowledge, but rather a product of the 3D mind. I had more of an energetic attunement near the end of the Mayan Calendar on 28 October and much greater attunements during the sandwich eclipses of July. In future I will stick to tried and true astrology and use my inner compass to assimilate new influxes of energies.

 No more channeled messages, period. No more giving credence to people who have “direct line” to the astral realms. I have my own inner compass which is  more reliable for what I need to achieve here., thank you very much. I have been shown this again and again. Hopefully it will keep me from falling prey to ridiculous claims that distract me from my own path. (I thought I had learned this lesson!) Apparently I still need to remember my own power and use more discernment. Actually, I don´t even need to consult the internet as long as I check in often enough, I´ll know what I need to know, and when!

I had become annoyed with always living in the present- it´s hard never knowing what is going to happen next. You can´t plan for anything. I am entertaining very unusual thoughts post 11.11.11,  wondering if livng in the now is destructive.  It takes away certain freedoms. Freedoms to believe in 3D. Freedom to believe that things are permanent to a certain extent. I know that I won´t live forever, I know that wealth accumulation is not the meaning of life. But if I only live from one day to the next, it is very difficult to build relationships or  find satisfaction in your career because you resist against building it, thinking that life is not about these 3D concepts. But actually, they are!  Since my teens I have been resisting the 3D model, trying to embody some kind of multidimensional philosophy whilst residing in a solid body in a solid world. I have been trying to deny what I see around me. Other “regular people” take this information, they interpret the hologram fully. It´s like I was born with an aversion to this hologram- I just can´t get into this whole 3D earth thing. I don´t like it, it´s too limiting.  Am I subscribing to some type of bullshit hive mentality with other “old souls”?  The more I communicate with new agey types, the more I reinforce the belief that I am different and need to live in the world in my non-committal, ungrounded, multidimensional way. Would I be happier if I tried to live like the status quo? If I just forgot about the hijacking of our planet 13,000 years ago, and about how oppressed we are, limited by time and money? I know a girl with a crystl child. She´s always telling me that her job as a parent is to ground her kid and get her to “live in the real world”.  Would that resolve my dissatisfaction with being stationed on this planet? Is it all just a matter of trying to fit a round peg into a square hole?

 What else can I possibly do to make my incarnation here and now more fulfilling? Is it even possible?  Perhaps there will always be that aftertaste. That things are not like my “home planet” or the way they are supposed to be. But I must be here for some reason. I didn´t just come here to experience 3D and observe, did I? Why did I come here? To teach English and live in different cities? To have wonderful brothers I am far away from? To have fucked up parents that I cannot help? To question the wars and poverty and disease and inhumanity on this planet?  Or am I doing some service by emitting a frequency of happiness and creativity? Is that what I am doing here?  Amplifying a frequency?

 I am definitely a person who lives in the present, to the fullest. It is my codex and I have never known any other way, but man, can  it be a pain in the ass sometimes. I hate planning for the future because I always allow for unexpected events and people can change their minds. The concepts of free will and multidimensionality in my eyes make planning unrealistic and silly. This is hard to reconcile in a 3D world.  Sure, you live in the moment, but where is the satisfaction of seeing something you´ve built? There is no incentive to build! If there is nothing to plan for, if this 3D life is somehow inferior to another dimension of living because it is solid and less fluid, if nothing is permanent but only in a state of flux, what is the bloody point? Do you see my frustration? Maybe all this living in the NOW is unproductive because it doesn´t allow you to commit to anything. And you cheat yourself of the real experience of living on this planet! 

As I have momentarily lost a lot of faith in the Ascension “movement”, I will not be waiting for any 2012 star gate, as frustrated as I am at being here. I am making a decision to go my own way, separate from the new age masses´idea of 12.12.12.  (I will bloody well ascend when I want to)

Perhaps ascension is a load of bull.  Maybe the new age movement called ascension is just candy for people who need something to think about, to keep them going, like religion;  a distraction from the 3D world that is not completely fulfilling. It´s an escape from the kind of world where we don´t feel at home.  In that sense, it is just another religion. Doesn´t mean I have to give up meditating or believing in spirit. That is my faith and it will never die. But the idea of ascension is maybe just a crock. Gaia is evolving. The sheeple are evolving at their own pace, but there is no such thing as Gaia being rescued by god and shoving herself through a star gate on any one particular cosmic alignment. Perhaps it is just an industry or even some insidious plan channeled through lower astral entities to keep us from really committing to the problems on Earth. If we think we are going to magically ascend, merely from inner spiritual work, then we are less likely to commit to a cause here on the ground and make our planet a better place to live.  We spirituals should take that into account.  Instead of living on the higher realms, we need to be focusing our energies on the planet we chose to incarnate on NOW and follow through with something tangible.  Maybe that is the lesson. Maybe the disappointment from not ascending on 11.11.11 will give us a much needed kick in the ass. As I stamp my feet and my tantrum comes to an end, I wonder just how much we have evolved as humans.  Maybe we´re just still kids learning to grow up and take charge.  There. I feel better, now.




6 responses to “Crisis or Epiphany?

  1. I do not disagree with most of this…I knew I would be going nowhere but I still took the day off to be me. And I was…and it was an amazing weekend full of new insights/understandings. Basically my consciousness expanded greatly…and now I am strugglign to integrate it, like many I am finding.

    I too have grown to ignore most channels. I read, with a much higher perspective (it feels as though I’m really tapping into THEIRS). As soon as I kept seeing Ascended Masters over and over, it became clear…the channels are the spear of the interdimensional (read, much more multidimensional beings) plan. It became obvious during the summer how if you believed in this fringe stuff, there is a reason, they know it and they are setting us up to be ready when they arrive.

    The first group will come, many of us will chear it, say i told you so to their circles and then become the control node to the rest of us. Many of us will blindly accept the first group as the ones. The second group though will arrive to fill in the nuances we know are valid and then the chaos ensues…before order is establish, by whom? That’s the best part, the veil is thinning and you will be confronted with your awesome power and many will unconsiously choose to destory themselves. So this is back to you, this is all about you…experience is all about you and what you do with the rest of you 🙂 There is no spoon remember?

    I’ve gone over and over all the esoteric symbology and it is sound. There is basis for all of these feelings/thoughts. However we’re being manipulated by beings who can see much more than we. Thus turn them off like you should turn your tv off!

    I have had beyond Earth experiences and understand them in various different ways. I’ve come to know we are all just a fractal of the CreatorWhole. We do inhabit the densest experience yet this provides the fastest path for results. Everything is a mirror, a fractal of everything else…this is truth…as much as truth is subjective this is a core principle of creation.

    Keep digging at what drives you, what urges you to explore, that inner instinct to satisfy curiosity is the only thing you need to hold onto. But in order to hear it clearly, you have to turn off all distractions. We have 5 senses but you can not access these interdimensional reality fields because we are tuning into them, rather than basically our pineal glands which are limitless. Your pineal is a wormhole…jump through it…yes it looks black as the darkest night, but that does not matter…that black Whole is your creation…remember that.


    • Hermes, you have brought me a lovely message, wrapped in steely-truth. If there only one thing that I had to write about over and over in my blogs, it is that each of us must decide what is our own truth and come into our own power. Thank you for bringing your power to my blog- what an energy! And I love your tip about the blackest wormhole that leads to all we desire. Namasté, brother. I will say hi to Berlin for ya.

  2. PS…I love Berlin, I lived in Germany (Rammstein AF base) for about 5 years of my early childhood. I am fond of it…and the castles especially!

  3. Your insight and thoughtful expression is very lucid and well-considered. In feeling this way, you no doubt speak for many who are similarly looking more deeply into themselves and feeling a need to re-evaluate their choices and their priorities.

    I’ve been thinking about all these issues myself and often can’t help but arrive at similar conclusions, only to find that though they sounded good in isolation, they were only sounding that way because they were out of context. As soon as other parts of the puzzle begin to filter back into my thoughts and were allowed to participate in the play of my considerations, what seemed like a possible definitive conclusion suddenly failed to stand up under the glaring light of the many other truths about our shared reality and history that I am aware of.

    So just when I think I’ve figured out how to tie up all the loose ends and feel like I’ve solved a very important mystery, even more loose ends become evident and the existential puzzle suddenly looms larger to my inner eye and yanks me to yet another enigmatical level of my mental experience.

    As I see it, the spiritualist and the materialist are similar in the sense that we are all trying to make sense of our experience here on this blue marble but approaching it in opposing ways. The Ra Material describes it the best by classifying the awakened one’s amongst us into two very distinctive camps — we are either in ‘Service to Self’ or we are in ‘Service to Others’ (while the sleeping masses, of course, sit on the fence, avoiding a commitment to either side, and therefore highly vulnerable to the whims of Service to Self factions.)

    Those who are Service to Self are materialist who believe in nothing outside of substantial hard matter and the gratification of Ego. Their experience demands they strive exclusively to possess and to control as much as possible, in order to use their resources to leave their mark on the world. In this way they feel a sense of having accomplished something during their sojourn here.

    Those who are Service to Others are the spiritualists who believe that all hard matter is merely a temporary illusion and the only aspect of the experience that counts is Soul. The lifetime is spent striving for as many direct experiences with the higher levels of reality as possible, in order to grasp Truth, despite the surrounding illusions, so that they can ultimately awaken to the higher realities on the ‘radio dial’ that exist beyond this space/time experience of 3D.

    Could it be that this dark depressive blanket that seems to have settled upon so many would-be ascenders over the past week is really just a matter of it being the darkest hour just before the dawn? Perhaps we need to be evermore aware and diligent and stalwart about our “mission” moreso now, during this especially dispiriting time, precisely because transitioning from one dimensional level to another hinges on there being enough of us to clearly envision the dawning of a new day, in order for that new day to dawn (??) I certainly don’t know if this is a truth, nor for that matter whether everyone ought to subscribe to it, only that it resonates with me for now.

    In any case, I agree with you, if putting on a different hat and dealing with the world around us in a different way allows us each to keep that vision of new light strong inside of us so that if can filter out into reality, then that is what we must do.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts –I enjoyed reading very much– and thank you for allowing me to share mine.


    • Demitra, thanks so much for leaving such a thoughtful and inspiring comment. Seems like quite a lot of us are writers- that we need to write down our inner experiences just to process them. Last weekend was kinda heavy and depressive, but I have since found that in the mornings when I meditate, right after waking, I am experiencing much more intense waves of bliss and love. The overall feeling is that no more of loneliness! For the first time, I feel connected not only to Gaia in a VERY gentle way, but to the PAT, too. This is a direct result of the nighttime work I am finding myself suddenly doing. I am clearing dross at night. Maybe this could also be why others are feeling down? The leftovers/ releasing of dross leaves us also in waves that feel like a minor depression. By the way, how is Montreal? I lived there between 1994 and 2000; I had magical experiences with Mont Royal herself.

  4. Ah, Montreal…home sweet home…she is well and asks me to send you her warmest regards! : )

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