I have mentioned before how asking questions pertaining to your outside reality, your relationships, your experiences and dramas can help you navigate our 3D hologram called reality. As you begin to mature as a soul, you begin to notice that there are more layers to existence. Younger souls do not have the luxury of pondering such profound questions as “why am I here” or “why is this happening to me?” Young souls are usually born into environments where they are challenged to meet the physical demands of survival, such as finding adequate food and learning to live in simpler social contexts.
You have been drawn to this article because you are growing up. You are seeking something beyond your next meal, your next pleasure sensation, your job. Therefore, I ask you now to take a deep breath and face your family. The first place to start, if you are curious about your life plan in this incarnation, is your family.
The relationships we form on this planet throughout our incarnations and different family constellations are what help us to evolve most. The family is the first social dynamic we are born into and it is with these people that we have the strongest social bond, through our blood and genes. Therefore, it can be argued that within the family dynamic lies the greatest opportunity for spiritual growth in our current incarnation. Our families have such importance in all cultures, at all stages of our lives, at any age, we are always bonded in some way with our families. That being said, we cannot not overstate the importance of questioning these ties and their deeper significance. Did we choose our family members before we incarnated? I for one am convinced that we choose our family members for what they can reflect to us in terms of values, emotional patterns and spiritual lessons. They also offer to us layered dynamics for healing.
How many times have you heard yourself saying to a friend, “Man, that´s fucked up” when she was recalling to you her family problems? That´s what I thought. The people you surround yourself with as friends are often at a similar soul age as you and can also help to reflect just what needs to be focused on in this incarnation to mature and become more multi-dimensional. In the article “Compassionate Perspective”, you were introduced to the concept of addressing someone´s personality instead of their role as father, brother, sister or mother. Now that you can separate the two, I am going to ask you to again consider the family role, but from another angle. How has the family member role added a layer to your learning curve?
Soul maturity is about layers and any homeopath worth his salt will tell you that healing occurs in layers. In this article we look at not only the individual layer, but the family dynamic, and how the constellation or the arrangement of these incarnating souls itself is a tool for spiritual growth. Family constellations are supercharged in that all members involved have the opportunity for growth in more ways than, for example, just two people in a relationship. Let us consider a small family of three. Below you can see exactly how each member can interact with the other.
Mother with daughter/ wife with husband/ mother-wife with husband and daughter together.
Daughter with mother/ daughter with father/ daughter with mother and father together.
Father with daughter/ husband and wife/ father-husband with wife and daughter together.
Already we have 9 different soul dynamics. Remember that father with the daughter is from the point of view of the father, i.e. his issues with his daughter. The dynamic of the daughter with the father is from her standpoint and is a separate layer.
The first step to appreciating the spiritual value of your family dynamic is to look at your individual family members as mirrors. Each one reflects certain belief systems, values, talents, compulsions and defensive behaviors (often carried over from past incarnations). Ask yourself, what negative traits did my mother mirror? What positive traits did she reflect back to me? What can I learn from these observations?
In some cultures it is considered rude to question your parents and the child is expected to hand over all authority and respect to the parent because the parent gave the gift of life to the child. This is a guilt mechanism which rather than explores the bond of love between parent and child perpetuates a cycle of resentment and manipulation down the generations. For those caught in this kind of dynamic, the guilt trip can be so extreme that one of the parents has to die before the child is even able to fully begin to experiment with spiritual growth.
We must find the individual strength to examine one´s relatives objectively and honestly in order to benefit from them. Family constellations are not randomly selected and arranged! They are agreed to prior to incarnation with the view to all souls connected being able to work out their most pressing spiritual issues.
One´s refusal to see beyond the victim role in the dynamic will stunt or retard spiritual growth to the extent that one must again re-incarnate in a similar constellation to be able to learn from it! It is therefore important to look at your role from different angles, keeping in mind that you may be acting out a seemingly negative dynamic for someone else´s benefit. Ask yourself, how is my “role” affecting their spiritual growth? Am I in fact playing the role of a teacher?
I recently heard the story of a son who was supposed to be aborted by his mother, yet aborting the son would surely have killed the mother due to complications of her already having had several abortions. The mother-son dynamic was ridden with guilt. Understandably, the statement “I wanted to abort you but you saved my life” deeply confused the son and his role play with his mother.
What might help, however is to acknowledge that the burden of growth mostly lies with the mother. The son´s role is to learn to separate love of his mother from love for himself. He needs to learn that his self worth is not tied into his mother´s resentment of him, which has nothing to do with him as a person but the role he chose as “her son”. The son in this dynamic performs a function for the mother to face her own issues of how she undervalues life, especially if you take into account her previous abortions. The son volunteered for this position, in an act of deep spiritual sacrifice prior to incarnation. His taking on any of his mother´s guilt, even of her inability to resolve the issue, is misplaced. He is the older soul, providing his mother with a learning dynamic, and if he could see himself in this master role, it would in time give him the emotional separation he needs to heal his feelings of unworthiness. This is a good example of how the family dynamic provides opportunity for healing for more than one person.
And if I wanted even more confirmation that this soul´s current most pressing issue is self-love and self-acceptance, I would look to the other members of the family. Their behavior towards me, their projections and refelctions will let me know. So I did. I asked about the siblings. Sure enough, both siblings do not accept this soul´s personality or value system. They belittle him and explicitly reflect the issue that most needs to be healed. “We don´t love you”, they say. Once the soul can gain the self confidence to love himself despite this resistance, these apparitions will cease. It is not enough to just continue to walk your own path when others disapprove, you must also believe that you are doing what is best for you and that you are perfect the way you are.
Opportunities for self-healing come to us in difficult guises. Life is indeed, a grand stage.
Do you have questions about your family constellation? Briefly describe the facts or imbalances (not your interpretations at this stage, please), and I´ll leave a reply.